Love’s Shifting Seasons

Ah, Spring! This is the honeymoon phase, where love feels exhilaratingly fresh and radiant. You are undoubtedly the “only tomato in your spouse’s Jollof Rice” – a metaphor for being their absolute favorite, their everything. Your heart skips a beat, or perhaps does a joyful dance, every time you see your partner. You are deeply, madly, spontaneously in love, and that affection blossoms like the most beautiful spring flowers, evident in every glance, every touch, every shared smile. You find yourself thanking God countless times a day for blessing you with what feels like the perfect spouse, a gift beyond measure. In this season, the thought of this intense joy ever diminishing feels impossible, and you desperately wish it could last forever. You spend every available moment together, exchanging romantic messages, holding hands, and reveling in the sheer delight of new beginnings. It’s easy to overlook deeper issues in this period of bliss, but it’s also a crucial time to lay foundational habits like consistent communication and shared spiritual practices, even if they don’t feel “needed” yet. Build a strong bank of positive memories and mutual affirmation that will serve you well in future seasons.

Following the vibrant bloom of Spring, Summer introduces a subtle shift. The initial intoxicating flush begins to mellow. While there’s still abundant warmth and plenty of joy to experience, you might start to feel a slight discomfort, a gentle hum of reality setting in. The beautiful flowers of your love are still present, but this season serves as a poignant reminder: without intentional watering, even the most robust plants can wither under the summer sun. My own slowly but surely dying garden stands as a testament to this truth! Ha! It’s in Summer that you begin to notice your spouse’s quirks and faults – the little habits that once seemed endearing now spark mild irritation. The “heat is on,” not necessarily from conflict, but from the everyday demands of life. She can’t fathom why he squeezes the toothpaste from the middle, not the bottom. He can’t understand why she talks so much. Bills pile up, responsibilities mount, and the spontaneous, “lovey-dovey” phase gives way to a more practical partnership. The love is still there, strong and deep, but it’s no longer effortlessly spontaneous. It requires conscious effort, intentionality, and a deliberate choice to nurture. This season is about active maintenance, learning to appreciate the good while gracefully navigating the less-than-perfect aspects.

As the intense heat of Summer recedes, you transition into the calmer, more contemplative period of Fall or Autumn. A sense of coziness might return, a comfortable rhythm established in your life together. However, it’s distinct from the fresh effervescence of Spring. This season is marked by adjustment; you are trying to find new ways for your love to blossom, even as some of the leaves – perhaps old habits or expectations – begin to fall away. From an external perspective, you might still present as a picture-perfect couple, but inwardly, a quiet dissatisfaction or a sense of things being “not quite right” can surface. This isn’t necessarily a time of overt conflict, but rather one of introspection and subtle shifts. It’s a period where routines can become mundane, and emotional distance might subtly creep in if not addressed. You might find yourselves looking good together on the surface, but a deeper contentment or connection feels just out of reach. Fall calls for a deliberate effort to re-engage, to rake through what’s working and what isn’t, and to prepare for the deeper introspection that Winter might bring.

Winter is often the most challenging season in a marriage, a period where the warmth of connection can feel profoundly absent. It’s characterized by tension, conflict, and often, harsh words:

“How can you be so stupid?”

“You call me stupid?”

“Yes, how could you not know what to do?”

“Well, then that makes you the wife/husband of a stupid husband/wife!”

Such angry words, spewed out in frustration, mark a truly dark moment in your marriage. You feel deeply disconnected from your spouse, constantly irritating each other, and questioning if any love remains. It is in Winter that marriages are most vulnerable to collapse. This season can feel overwhelmingly bleak, filled with hopelessness and despair. The cold silence or the fiery arguments can make you doubt everything you once believed about your partnership. However, it’s crucial to remember a fundamental truth: no matter how long or harsh the winter lasts, spring always follows. This difficult season is not permanent; it will not last forever. It tests your commitment, your resilience, and your willingness to fight for your bond.

The Bible speaks of the sons of Issachar, who “had understanding of the times, to know what Israel ought to do” (1 Chronicles 12:32). This is precisely why I believe this message of truth is reaching you now. It’s a fundamental truth that your marriage will experience seasons, and understanding this cyclical nature is paramount. Whatever challenges you face are likely just a phase, a temporary season. Do not make permanent, irreversible decisions during a transient marital period. You wouldn’t wear heavy winter coats in the summer; similarly, you must learn to adjust your approach and expectations to each marital season. This is how you can not only survive but truly maximize every phase of your marriage:

Maximizing Each Marital Season: Practical Wisdom for a Lasting Bond

– In the Spring of your marriage: Embrace and fully immerse yourselves in this blissful time. Spend as much quality time with your spouse as possible. Exchange heartfelt romantic messages, give each other back rubs and massages, and hold hands frequently. Crucially, establish a habit of praying together. While prayer might seem secondary in this cozy, sweet season where you might not feel an overt “need” for God, trust me, you absolutely do. This is the ideal time to build a robust spiritual bank, creating a foundation of shared faith and reliance on God. If your spouse isn’t typically inclined to pray, this season offers a unique opportunity to gently encourage and establish this vital practice together. Speak life-affirming, positive words into your marriage, nourish your souls with God’s word, and gather strength, for adversity will surely come, and your resilience will be tested.

– In the Summer of your marriage: This is the season for practicing the art of selective ignorance and radical acceptance. Learn to “not sweat the small stuff.” Your spouse might leave shoes in a weird place, or develop a minor habit that grates on your nerves – pick up the shoes without complaint. Cultivate selflessness. In this season, small irritations can easily spark disproportionately large flames if left unchecked. Shift your focus from what you feel you deserve to what you can freely give. Practice forgiveness proactively, even before an offense truly hurts, fostering an atmosphere of grace and understanding. Engage in open communication, but choose your battles wisely, ensuring that genuine issues are addressed with love, while minor quirks are met with patience.

– In the Fall of your marriage: Do not succumb to the looming gloom or potential apathy. While things might not feel as vibrant or favorable as they once did, and the future might appear uncertain or bleak, it is imperative to maintain a positive and hopeful mindset. Consciously shift your focus from what you perceive to be lacking in your relationship to what you genuinely have and cherish. Celebrate the aspects of your marriage that are working well, rather than fixating on the imperfections. Actively seek ways to reconnect, perhaps by revisiting shared hobbies or creating new traditions. This is a season for gratitude, reflection, and proactive adjustment, preparing your relationship for colder times while appreciating the enduring core of your bond.

– In the Winter of your marriage: When your marriage enters its darkest winter, follow the example of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. Pour out your heart to the Father. Scripture assures us that He is “close to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18). However, prayer must be coupled with action; do not pray for healing on one hand while simultaneously inflicting hurt upon your spouse with the other. Strive purposefully to remain unified with your spouse amidst the turmoil. This often demands profound self-sacrifice, choosing to overlook hurtful words or actions, and valuing the sanctity of your marriage above your immediate pain or ego. Remember always that spring will inevitably come. Do not surrender hope; do not give up just yet. Seek professional help if necessary, lean on trusted friends or mentors, and never stop fighting for the love you once shared, knowing that renewal is possible.

Dear friend, I don’t know your personal struggles, but let me share mine. There are times when I’m prone to giving up easily. In the heat of an argument or a difficult phase, my instinct is to retreat, to run away from any situation that feels uncomfortable or painful. I constantly wish for the springs in my marriage to last indefinitely, but the truth is, the seasons inevitably change. When they do, commitment can feel incredibly arduous. Yet, for your marriage to not just survive but truly thrive, you must remain steadfastly committed through both the good times and the bad. If you are perpetually searching for the exit door, you will rarely find the resolve to fix what is broken. True commitment means staying, engaging, and working through the challenges, knowing that every season brings its own growth.

When I look at Mr. N now, I am still overwhelmingly happy that we are together. I am thankful for every winter we have faced side-by-side because, after those periods of hardship, we have always emerged into the loveliest, most vibrant springs, our bond strengthened and deepened by what we’ve overcome. Our love has matured, becoming more resilient and intentional with each passing season.

Here is the ultimate thing to remember!

Our profound journey through the seasons of marriage is but a preparation for an even greater, eternal union: spending eternity with God. What would it profit you if you were to gain the most respectful, romantic, and reasonable spouse on earth, yet in doing so, you lose your very soul? Absolutely nothing! In all our earthly endeavors, especially within the sacred covenant of marriage, our eyes must remain fixed on our ultimate goal: to dwell in Heaven, a place where there are no nights, no tears, and no undesirable seasons. When we anchor our perspective to this divine truth, we gain an unparalleled clarity. We cease to lose sleep over the trivial things that ultimately do not matter – like how he carelessly flung his socks across the room. Ha! This eternal perspective allows us to embrace the imperfections of our earthly relationships with grace, understanding that they are fleeting lessons on our path to something infinitely greater.

To marriages that not only endure but truly flourish through every season, growing stronger and more beautiful with time! May your commitment be unwavering, your love intentional, and your faith a guiding light.

How else can we wisely handle and navigate the beautiful, complex seasons in our marriages?