Welcome back to the third installment of our empowering series for single sisters. Your encouraging feedback on Part 1: Lessons from the Bible for Today’s Single Woman and Part 2: Mentorship for Today’s Single Woman has been truly heartwarming, and we’re excited to continue this journey with you.
Today, our focus shifts to a topic that resonates deeply with many: the art of “waiting” for your husband. In a world that often champions instant gratification, the concept of waiting can feel counterintuitive, even agonizing. However, as we will explore, Christian waiting is far from passive idleness; it is an active, purposeful journey of growth and faith.
The very word “waiting” can evoke a sense of unease. I understand this deeply because I, too, have navigated periods of waiting in my life, and many more still lie ahead. That feeling of anticipation, coupled with the uncertainty of when a deeply cherished expectation will be fulfilled, can be profoundly challenging. It’s a sentiment echoed throughout history and Scripture. Consider Abraham and Sarah, who, as they aged, must have wrestled with questions like, “We are old and wrinkled, when will the promised child finally arrive?” Their story, much like our own, reminds us that waiting is an intrinsic part of the human experience.
Indeed, waiting is an unavoidable facet of life’s tapestry. Whether it’s for a dream job, a long-sought pregnancy, or, as in the context of this article, a life partner, we all encounter seasons of anticipation. While our discussion today centers on waiting for a husband, the principles we unpack are universal and offer invaluable lessons for anyone navigating a period of significant anticipation or transition.
There’s a powerful quote that states, “Waiting is hard when all you do is wait.” These words encapsulate a profound truth. If your primary life goal revolves solely around sitting and passively waiting for a man to enter your life and marry you, you risk forfeiting the richness and joy of your present existence. This passive approach often breeds anxiety, desperation, and, ironically, can make you more susceptible to attracting individuals who are not aligned with God’s best for you. As Proverbs 27:7 wisely observes, “He that is full of bread loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.” This means that when you are desperate and ‘hungry’ for a relationship, you might perceive unhealthy or unsuitable partners as desirable simply because you crave any connection. Therefore, true waiting is about intentional living, not merely biding your time.
Without further ado, let’s explore how to transform waiting from a period of stagnation into a season of profound personal and spiritual flourishing:
1. Be Soaked in Christ: Cultivate a Deep, Abiding Relationship
The foundation of purposeful waiting lies in your relationship with Christ. This isn’t just about religious observance; it’s about being so utterly consumed by His presence, so passionately engaged in serving Him, and so consistently spending time in His Word and prayer, that for a man to truly find and connect with you, he must also be deeply rooted in Christ. This principle goes beyond merely attending church; it speaks to the very core of your being and identity. When your life is centered on Christ, your values, aspirations, and direction become aligned with His, naturally drawing individuals who share that spiritual foundation.
Practically, this means making daily communion with God a non-negotiable priority. Open your Bible each day not as a chore, but as an eager student hungry for divine wisdom and guidance. Engage in fervent prayer, pouring out your heart to God and listening for His gentle whispers. Consider keeping a prayer journal, documenting your requests, reflections, and the ways God answers, strengthening your faith and sense of His active presence in your life. Furthermore, actively serve at your local church. This provides a vital community, opportunities to use your gifts, and a chance to live out your faith in practical ways, building character and demonstrating a servant’s heart.
Most importantly, the motivation behind these actions must be pure. You are not doing these things to attract a man or to be “seen” as a good Christian wife candidate. You are doing them because you genuinely love God, desire His presence above all else, and recognize that He is the source of all fulfillment. This unadulterated devotion is the most robust and beautiful foundation you can lay for your life, ensuring that any future relationship is built on shared spiritual passion and a mutual commitment to Christ.
2. Be a Queen, Ruling Your Own Queendom: Live a Purposeful Life Now
This powerful metaphor encourages you to fully embrace and own your life, rather than putting it on hold until a partner arrives. To be a “queen ruling her own queendom” means to live responsibly, discover your unique purpose, and actively pursue your passions and callings. Your life is not an empty waiting room; it is a vibrant kingdom that you are called to steward with grace, intelligence, and intention.
Why is this so crucial? Because you are already complete in Christ. You do not need a man to complete you, validate you, or give your life meaning. He has a magnificent plan for your life, independent of your marital status. Engage wholeheartedly in the things that matter to you. Pursue education, build a career, cultivate hobbies, travel, volunteer, develop your talents, and nurture meaningful friendships. Be busy, just as Ruth was busy in the fields, diligently gathering food for herself and Naomi. Ruth could have easily succumbed to despair and become a “couch potato,” passively waiting for someone to rescue her. Instead, she chose diligence, hard work, and proactive living, which ultimately positioned her to be noticed and blessed. Her story, found in the book of Ruth in the Bible, is an inspiring testament to the power of a woman living purposefully and responsibly, even in difficult circumstances. If you haven’t read it, I wholeheartedly encourage you to do so – it’s a truly great read!
Living your life fully means rejecting the notion that your happiness and fulfillment are contingent upon finding a husband. When you live with purpose and passion, you not only enrich your own life but also become an attractive, confident, and well-rounded individual. This proactive approach ensures that when your king does arrive, he will find a queen who is already thriving, self-sufficient, and ready to share a life, not one who is waiting to be made whole.
3. Work on Your Character: Cultivate Inner Beauty and Integrity
This point is of paramount importance, and I earnestly pray it resonates with those who need to hear it most. Time and again, I have observed women who express a fervent desire for marriage, yet possess a character that, frankly, “stinks.” They may be outwardly beautiful, possess impressive skills, and appear charming on the surface. However, upon closer inspection, they might harbor attitudes of contempt towards others, misuse their tongue through gossip or negativity, or simply be a displeasure to be around due to selfishness or drama. I speak from experience, having encountered such individuals, and the natural inclination is to keep a respectful distance. Ironically, these individuals often blame everyone else for their relationship struggles, failing to recognize their own character as the root of the problem. As the adage goes, if person A has problems with B, C, and D, then A is likely the common denominator – the problem itself.
Such ladies may initially attract men, but they rarely keep them. Men, or those around them, eventually discern the true nature of their character, and the initial attraction quickly wanes. Character, unlike superficial charm or physical beauty, cannot be hidden indefinitely. It is the enduring foundation upon which all healthy, lasting relationships are built. Consider Ruth once more: everyone in her community knew her as a woman of exceptional character – kind, loyal, diligent, and virtuous. It was this impeccable reputation, this “report” about her character, that reached Boaz and drew him to her. People knew her story, not just her appearance.
While you may not always be conscious of it, people in your circles are observing you. And the men who enter your life will inevitably hear about your character from others – your friends, colleagues, church members, and even casual acquaintances. This collective report significantly influences whether they choose to stay or go. Your inner beauty – your integrity, kindness, humility, patience, and self-control – is far more vital and enduring than any external attractiveness. Therefore, actively working on developing a Christ-like character is not merely a suggestion; it is an essential investment in your future and the quality of your relationships. Seek self-awareness, pray for God to transform areas of weakness, and be open to constructive feedback from trusted friends or mentors. A beautiful heart will attract a man who cherishes true beauty and will be a blessing in marriage.
One Bonus Point: Pray Fervently and Specifically for Your Future Marriage
The Bible exhorts us to pray about everything, and this includes your yet-to-be marriage (Philippians 4:6-7). While I was single, I dedicated specific time, every Friday, to pray for my family. I had a playful system, tagging my prayers based on the starting letter of the day, so “F” in Friday for “family.” Within those prayers, I earnestly sought God’s guidance for my future spouse. I prayed that God would grant me a man after His own heart, a partner with whom I could serve Him together in ministry and in life. I didn’t just pray generally; I kept a detailed list, writing down specific qualities I desired in my future husband, believing that God hears and delights in our specific requests.
And it worked! Though my husband, Mr. N, didn’t immediately fit every single item on my list in the way I initially envisioned, through prayer and discernment, I eventually recognized that he was, indeed, God’s perfect answer to my prayers. Sometimes, God’s answers come in packages we don’t immediately expect or recognize, requiring us to trust His wisdom over our limited understanding. This experience solidified my assurance that God, in His faithfulness and unwavering love for me, would never give me a “bad” man. He always gives His best to those who are faithful to Him and trust in His goodness. So, pray with faith, persistence, and an open heart, ready to recognize God’s answer, even if it looks different from your initial expectations.
You now understand why I intentionally phrased “wait” as “wait.” It’s not a passive state of limbo, but an active, vibrant period of living fully, growing intentionally, and trusting God with unwavering faith for His perfect timing and provision. This season of singleness is a unique gift, a dedicated time to deepen your walk with God and solidify who you are in Him, thereby preparing you for the beautiful covenant of marriage.
And finally, beloved sisters, let’s continually remind ourselves of God’s profound purposes behind periods of waiting. He allows us to wait for various reasons: perhaps to teach us deeper levels of trust and dependence on Him; or because we are not yet fully prepared – spiritually, emotionally, or practically – for the blessings He has in store for us; or simply because the time is not yet right in His grand, perfect plan. Ecclesiastes 3:11 beautifully states, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” This truth assures us that God’s timing is always impeccable, even when it feels slow to our human perception. Remember that faster isn’t always better; God’s way is always the best way, leading to lasting beauty and joy.
Next Tuesday, we will delve into essential truths and practical reminders to hold onto while you are still single, fostering resilience and joy in this season. We eagerly anticipate seeing you then. God bless you abundantly.